Thursday 22 July 2021

Gone but not forgotten


Has anyone had a bedsheet turn up unexpectedly today?  Bit of a longshot I know but, frankly, I've exhausted all other lines of enquiry.


We were back at my Beloved's house last night after an interval of a few weeks, and it can be a bit like sleeping on top of the San Andreas Fault in his bed.   



{No idea why - he has exactly the same mattress/topper/protector arrangement as I do, yet my bed remains as flat as Norfolk.}

So after breakfast this morning I decided to strip the bed and re-make it.  Duvet in a cover - check.  Four pillows, properly encased - check.  Mattress protector..... hang on a minute, where's the bottom sheet?


Now, I am a somewhat picky, visual learner with a touch of OCD.  I notice things.  I know, with 100% certainty, that there was a bottom sheet when we went to bed last night, and when we got up this morning.  I would certainly have noticed if I'd been sleeping on just a mattress protector.  In fact, I couldn't have slept on it; I'd have had to get up and find a sheet there and then.


So I looked underneath everything, and checked the bathroom and spare bedroom, but there was no trace of our bottom sheet.  {I know, what was I thinking?  Did I really imagine that the Sheet Goblin had hidden it?}  I conducted extensive, in-depth enquiries, {viz. "Have you moved the bottom sheet?"}  but the response {"Of course not, what are you on about?"} was, on reflection, more polite and reasonable than I had a right to expect.  But still not helpful.  So I re-made the bed with a clean sheet from the airing cupboard, and then had another look round.  Definitely a lack of linen, a shortage of sheeting.


My Beloved maintains that it wasn't on the bed in the first place but, if that were the case {irrespective of "Well why not?"} then where is it now?  I have looked under the bed and turned out the airing cupboard, but there is only one white sheet on the premises, when there should be two.  So, have you got it?


Imagine there's no bedding; it's easy if you try.

No sheet below us, above us duvet lies.

Imagine all the linen, leaving, every piece.

Ohh-ohh, oh-oh-oh

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm sure I can't be wrong.

I hope some day I'll find it,

And my sheet will not be gone.